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So far, we’ve looked at how Song of Songs defines love, we’ve talked about the guys experience of love and the same for the girls. This week, we looked at how couples experience love and how the reality matches (or differs from) what is portrayed in the Old Testament love poem.

Our passage was Song of Songs 7:9 - 8:4 which describes the relationship of the couple through the voice of the woman. This lady is seriously head over heels in love and the picture we get of their relationship is simply beautiful.

Right from the beginning there is a deep desire to be together and to share all the experiences of life. There is a mutaual giving and receiving where each partner places the well being of the other above their own needs. In the Song, the city is a symbol of alienation and confusion when in comes to love, so the woman expresses a longing to go to the country and spend the night in the village with her man.

They make love in the night. They make love in the morning. The metaphor of the vineyard represents the act of making love and thus there desire to walk in the vineyards all day together.

An interesting (and slightly funny) metaphor is that of the mandrake plant. At the time it was thought that the mandrake was an aphrodidiac - somehting that aroused sexual desire and passion in a person. She says that the fragrance of the mandrake is pervading their space and desire is high. The humour comes from the scientific revelation that the mandrake actually sends you to sleep. Who knows how much frustration that has caused through the centuries!!

The woman goes on to tell of her longing to express her love in public, but her frustration at not being able to do so. Cultural custom dictated that only family members could express love in public places, hence her desire for her lover to be her brother (sounds gross to us, but makes sense in context!). She then reveals that it is her mother that has taught her about love and intimacy. This is something I think we’ve lost - sex education has become the domain of the school classroom and love-education seems to be almost non-existent. It makes me even more deterined to become a good lover myself and pass on that to my sons as they grow. As we’ve said, being a good lover is part of being a disciple of Jesus, and that’s exactly what i want my boys to be.

We touched briefly on the issues of being created for relationship and what that means for single people. While that is a discussion for another time, I think it is important to say that the Bible doesn’t rank one state more highly than another, but instead calls us to honour God in whatever situation we find ourselves in.

The media this week has made a point of highlighting bad role models when it comes to couple relationships. Rex Hunt cheating on his wife by paying thousands of dollars for sex with other women. Paul MacCartney’s separation from his wife of five years and Greg Norman’s separation from his wife of 25 years. We need good role models, but why are those stories so hard to find? Our local paper makes a point of highlighting couples that have been married for 50+ years, but beyond that it seems good couple relationships are not newsworthy.

The couple in Song of Songs ARE a good role model for young couples. But let’s be honest here. While the love expressed between the husband and wife in Song of Songs is beautiful and intimate, there’s only so long that sort of expression can last for. Love changes with time - what does that look like for a Christian couple and what can we learn from them?

I few weeks ago, I asked Owen and Lynda if they would be prepared to share their story with us about how their love for each other has changed with time. Fortunately, they said yes, and I want to thank them publicly for the open and honest way in whcih they shared with us. I will only summarise what was said here, but the night will be available as a podcast soon - I’ll let you know when it’s ready!

Anway, Owen and Lynda shared about previous relationships and how they impacted on their relationsihp in subsequent years. They told us of how they met and how they started going out, as well as the struggles they had with the physical temptations that come with being an unmarried Christian couple. While they made mistakes, there were firm boundaries that were set in place from the beginning.

Once married, the increase in physical intimacy was difficult to get used to at first but became something that was a mutual giving to each other. Communication was the key to everything and when communication was good, so to was the strength of their relationship. There was some hard times that they worked through and there remains a constant tension to express love in the midst of busy family, work and ministry lives.

They are not a perfect couple (no couple is) but in my mind at least, they are a great example of a couple doing their best to work through whatever life deals them, remaining faithful to God and to each other.

I think it was a special privilege for all present to get such  an intimate glimpse into the private life of a married couple. Next week we take a break and look at the spiritual discipline of mediation, before returning to Song of Songs and how we deal with sexual sin in our past.