Song of Songs: The Girl Thing
Published by Matt Glover May 16th, 2006 in Song of SongsOn Sunday night, we continued looking at Song of Songs in the Old Testament, this time looking at love from the girl’s perspective. I was joined by the expert on all thing girlie - Kaye Sherriff from the Deeper department of the Baptist Union of Victoria. (She’ll love it that I said that….)
Our passage was Song of Songs 5:2 - 6:3, a poem that talks of a dream the woman has about her beloved man. In her dream it is night and her man is knocking on the door longing to join her. He is wet from the moist night air, but the woman playfully refuses entry, saying that she has already got into bed and doesn’t want to get her feet dirty by coming to open the door. But as her husband rattles the door knob, she gets up to open it for him, likening the experience to the sweetness of the perfume myrrh.
In the strange way dreams unfold though, the man has disappeared when she opens the door. She looks for him everywhere, but only experience violent rebuke from the people of the city. They don’t understand her love and ask, “What is so special about this man?”
The woman describes her man as radiant and ruddy, indicating that he has the healthy glow and colour of a middle eastern man. She also uses imagery drawn from beautifully made statues devoted to false gods to describe the strength and beauty of the man’s baody. This is not to suggest that she worshipped him like a god, but saw in him a beauty that was equal to the most precious metals and jewels known at the time. To her, he is one in ten thousand and the sweetest thing of all is his kiss, which she describes as altogether desirable.
Perhaps the most poweful line though is her closing line to the people of the city - “This is my lover. This is my friend.”
With this, the dream ends and the woman knows exactly where her man is. He is lying beside her in her bed and she invites him once more to enjoy all that her ‘garden’ has to offer. The husband and wife make love and the woman reminds us that in this true, intimate love “My beloved is mine and I am his.”
Once again, this is a beautiful expression of love as it should be between a husband and a wife. A role model that is far more powerful than any movie or tv soap can offer us. But again we must heed the woman’s warning to not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
But this leaves us with a problem. Our girls naturally want to experience and express love as it is portrayed in Song of Songs, and are bombarded with messages from every direction saying that they should give themselves to whoever, whenever they want. but God calls for a different standard - how does a girl express love in appropriate ways without crossing the boundaries that God has put in place?
That’s where Kaye came in! Here’s a run down of what she said:
For humans, love is an instinctive thing because we are made in God’s image. This means we have an inbuilt desire to love and are built for relationship with both God and people (both guys and girls). Being made in God’s image means this inbuilt desire is HUGE, for God IS love.
So, to fully love, Kaye suggested two things:
1. Girls need to live in God.
Soak in God’s truth. Let God infiltrate your minds, actions, attitudes and memories. And love like God loves - for the benefit of others.
2. Girls need to know themselves.
This means knowing your identity
Know that you are a child of god, fearfully and wonderfully made, knit together in your mother’s womb. You are unique in your design and are a gift to others.
This means knowing your brokeness
Quoting directly from Kaye’s notes:
Life deals us all a different lot & we can’t escape the way that moulds & impacts us – for both good & not so good.We love from where we are at & our wounds can distort our ability to love. Working through the stuff that distorts our ability to love brings us to a self awareness of how our wounds have impacted us. We need to embrace those wounds & let God bring transformation. Let him rebuild a foundation that helps us operate out of truth & not deception. It’s a precious journey to go to this place – often very difficult – but life changing. God is the ultimate healer!
This means knowing your attraction to males.
What a girl does with her sexuality is more than just a private and personal thing. It has widespread social implications. When the lover gives herself to her beloved as the 2 characters in Song of Song have done – the relationship of each has changed to all the rest of the human race. This changes all other personal relationships.
This is both powerful and dangerous. Hence the need to incorporate good ‘love-education’ into our discipleship.
This means knowing your power
Whether they realise it or not, women have great power over males. Kaye suggested that perhaps this is why Paul asks women to submit to their husbands - to express their power to love appropriately. An interesting thought…
To be a good lover, a girl needs to be aware of the power she has.
Kaye finished with a great challenge for our girls:
When it comes to other women, remind them that they are lovable.
When it comes to guys, remeber that you are lovable.
Love is enduring. Love is endless. Love is given by God.
On behalf of the girls, thanks Kaye! And I suspect a few guys learnt a bit too…
Note: Podcasts are should be available of most of the Song of Songs messages soon. I’ll post a link to them when they are ready.
13 Responses to “Song of Songs: The Girl Thing”
- 1 Pingback on Jul 4th, 2006 at 3:02 pm
Just a thought could have gone it to more details and some points she made think self image, self esteem, non-christian dating etc need more details. However did a great job considering there was a lot to cover.
mmm. I agree Pam- that is stuff that both guys and girls deal with though….
I think, Matt, if you haven’t planned to do this already, is to have a “practical” lesson. We’ve talked about the philosophy and the attitudes (thinking, head stuff) to love and relationships, but um- a “this is a good example of how you go about dating and courtship and engagement and marriage” - the song of songs seems to focus on marriage only- how did these two meet? How did they decide that they were completely in love? (I’m guessing arranged marriage, perhaps)
I’m sure I’m not making sense, but I think I’ve communicated the gist here. Thoughts?
Make sure you’re there this week Alison - I’ve invited a ‘mystery couple’ to share their story as part of “The Together Thing”.
The rest of the questions I’ll gather together and try and cover in our last SoS message.
how does a girl express love in appropriate ways without crossing the boundaries that God has put in place?
Kaye had so much to say that made sense and straight forward to follow. I feel that it was just an intro to more in regard to the girl thing.
By the way, are romance novels bad? Do Christian ones fill a need for Christian women and if so what?
If we were honest Lily, I think we could say that all of them have only touched the surface of a big, big part of life. Perhaps some smaller group studies/discussion would be good for those who want to take it further?
Apart from being as about as exciting as a pineapple in the eye, I don’t think romance novels are ‘bad’. But then, it depends on what message the author is trying to say and how I guess.
Christian ones? Never read one (and am never likely too) so I’m guessing one of the girls will have to answer that one. What do you think?
It is interesting to think the the marriage in Song of Solomon may have been arranged. When did they first meet? When did they first discide they were in love? Was all physical contact allowed because they were married even as they were just getting to know each other?
In regard to temptation. How far is too far? I know the answer to that one
but how close to the line can you get before crossing it? Yes I know the answer will differ for each individual. Does the bible have anything to say other than within the marriage situation?
Why does it feel so out of control, kind of like animal insticts, when we
are humans? Is that what God wants? Giggly girls and horny guys? How does God get in there?
Ahh - the old “how far is too far?” question!
We can make up physical human boundaries to try and honor one another (and this is not necessarily a bad thing), but we all know that boundaries can be crossed in just a moment of weakness, even with the best intentions and strongest human resolve. (Rom 7:14-24)
“…I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it…”
I think a quote from Adam Hince’s talk “The Guy Thing” really stuck out to me about that…
“Talk about crossing the line or ‘how far can we go’ should be replaced by talk about how close we can get to God.”
How cool is that! (Rom 7:25)
“Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord…”
…and then (Rom 8:9-14)…
“But you are NOT controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you…”
He is in us, and if we turn to Him moment by moment, He will give us the victory.
“…So, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you keep on following it, you will perish. But if through the power of the Holy Spirit you turn from it and its evil deeds, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.”
This is HUGE!! What the heck! Read all of ROMANS 7 & 8 and let God blow your mind at the amazing love and freedom He has given us through His Son and Spirit! The good news is that we already have the victory, and all we have to do is let God walk with us each day! Praise Him!
I think that the “romance novel” can be harmful in some situations. I think that the guys in them are often figments of an imagination seeking perfection- not to down the guys, they are just not like the guys in those books. which can set you up for disappointment. I think often they are read by girls who don’t have any “relationship” going on and want one really badly.
Of course, I don’t think they are harmful in ALL situations, or even most- but they do need to be treated with caution.
There are a tonne of books out there that try and deal with the “what is the line” but what Evan says is right- forget the line. Focus on God. (incidentally- for me anything you wouldn’t do in public is reserved for when you are married.)
good couple talk- when will it be online?
us techies are trying hard to get our heads around this “podcast” thing.
The Old how far is too far question as evan said is a common one…
you can have it in your mind of what is too far for when and how etc.. etc… BUT the reality is you possibly don’t know how far is too far Until you have crossed it OR stopped at the boundry line.
People I know have become scared or wanted to run away from the physical, but the fact is it is an important part of a relationship dating or married-it just comes in different forms, at differnt stages of dating and of marriage too. Focus on God yes, and discover what he want for the both of you, but reality is we are human and we were made to be united with someone therefore temptation is going to be there. And if you go over the line, God is going to understand he is going to help you persue him in everything.
Reading books about this is all well and God, but it is mostly personal, and all intwined in where your relationship with God is at during the relationshp and before the relationship. God comes first and if thats not stable, then How can you learn to love others if you can’t first love God and work on that relationship? (humans are much harder!!!) hope it all made sence!
Thanks LR…
I think it’s worth adding how easy it is for us to justify moving the boundaries further and further out each time we come near them, just so we can try to remove some of the guilt we feel for what we are doing with our boyfriend/girlfriend.