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Continuing our exploration of Song of Songs, last Sunday night we looked at what it means for a guy to express and experience love.

The passage we looked at was Song of Songs chapter 4 - the first of the extended love poems written from a male perspective. To describe the beauty of his wife, the man (called the Lover) uses all sorts of imagery - much of which seems to make no sense to our understanding at all. Afterall, which guy in his right mind would describe his girl’s hair as “a flock of goats from Mideon?”

But when we read it in context, it makes much more sense. The two main characters in the Song are poor, farming people. They make their living from the land and thus agricultural images are what they are most familiar with. For the guy to express his girls hair as a flock or herd of goats means that it moved together, full and flowing (not smelly and dirty!).

The other images include:

Teeth like shorn sheep - dental hygiene was different then. For a woman to have all of her teeth and for them to be white was almost a miracle. A shorn sheep was the whitest white an agricultural community could imagaine, thus her smile was healthy, beautiful and clean.

Lips like a pommygranate - her lips were red and sweet like the fruit

A Neck like the Tower of David - not a no-neck rugby player, but royal and dignified, decorated with jewelry.

Breasts like twin forns - young, strong, graceful and beautiful. That’s about all i could say on that one!

The expressions are thus all beautiful in there time, and reveal to us something of how a man can express his love to his partner. Sadly, our culture says that you meet a girl, sleep with her and then see if you like her later. The friendship flame and committment flame are forgotten and the physical intimacy flame splutters ever so briefly by itself. This poem, however, gives a great example of a friendship deepening, a committment strengthening and a love that is blossoming.

The lover continues and expresses his desire to take his beloved away from the place of danger in the mountains to the safety of his embrace. He then describes his wife as a garden locked and sealed only for him to enjoy. He is head over heals in love with her, and when she invites him to enoy all that her garden has to offer, they make love. Husband and wife become one in mind, body, soul and strength.

This is how love should be. Deep committment and intimacy for life.

But Song of Songs sounds a warning. Repeatedly it says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires (2:7)” This is something we need to take seriously. Love is such a powerful thing that, used in the wrong setting, can degrade people and destroy relationships - usually both. But it is such an attractive thing that we can’t help but want it now. So what is appropriate when it comes to love for the guys?

Adam Hince, pastor of Boronia Baptist Church, Youth Consultant with the Deeper department of the BUV, chaplian of the Victorian Bushrangers and all round good-guy, shared some of his insight on how a Christian guy can be a good lover.

Reading from Proverbs 4:23, Adam suggested that to love well it’s the inside a man that needs to drive the outside. We need to guard our heart, for it is the well-spring of life. That is, we need to make sure we are filling our heart with the right things so that what comes out is both God honouring and woman honouring. Adam stole borrowed eight points from Alan Meyer’s Valiant Man study to illustrate what he was talking about.

1. Be thankful for what God has given me. This is not just putting up with what we have, but a genuine thankfulness for your partner.

2. Repsect what God has given because it is valuable. Your girl is valued by God and deserves time, attention and affirmation.

3. Compassion means we don’t expect perfection in our partners, but allow for the times when they are not at their best.

4. We have a responsibility to work hard in life and love.

5. A purity that says, “If God doesn’t give it, I don’t want it.” Talk about crossing the line or ‘how far can we go’ shold be replaced by talk about how close we can get to God.

6. A willingness to sacrifice for the woman. Eph 5:23 says, “For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he GAVE his life to be her saviour.” True lovers exist to serve their beloved.

7. Treasure the girl! Don’t let anything else come near to the place your girl takes in your life.

8. Express your affection using all the languages of love.

God cares about your girl! There is no denying that, and 1 Peter 3:7 says, “If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.” It may sound strange, but God wants us to be good lovers. That’s part of discipleship for a guy.

Adam concluded by saying that when a guy’s heart is full of good things, then there is an excellent chance that he will be the lover God calls him to be.

Great stuff.

I’ll try and convinve Adam to drop by the blog later in the week, so post as many questions as you can and we’ll see if he can answer them!

Next week we take a break to celebrate the baptism of two of our young people, before coming back together to talk about “The Girl Thing” with Kaye Sherriff.