What does “deny yourself” mean in Youth Ministry?
Published by Matt Glover February 22nd, 2006 in Questions of Faith, QuotesThen Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life 68 will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. Matt 16:24-25
Self-denial was one of the themes at a retreat I attended recently. This is always a hard topic, but a central one to the serious life of discipleship. Anyway, this quote has got me thinking ever since:
I feel very hesitant about building Jesus’ saying on self-denial into the spiritual diet of children and youth. It seems to me that there is something necessarily healthy and important about a level of self-absorbtion as young people discover who they are. It seems much more helpful to advocate for a loving, trusting relationship with Jesus within which deep devotion and strong allegiance can grow and to invite youth into a sense of mission that inspires them to an awareness of and a love for a world beyond themselves. As a wise nun said to me, “Youngsters should not be asked to deny themselves until they know who they are.” Then self-denial becomes a matter of mature choice, not an unconscious compulsion.
I guess the question that comes to mind for me is, at what point DOES self-denial become something that is taken seriously? Some 40 year olds that I know still have no idea who they are!
I’m uncomfortable leaving something out of discipleship because it is too hard. Yet, I can see what the retreat leader was saying. At the end of the day, I guess it is like all fruit - it starts out small and grows with time.
Hello Mr. Glover,
Yes, in youth ministry a loving, trusting relationship with Jesus is what is needed. That is what’s needed for adults too. I believe that if we look at denying ourselves correctly, it is not a negative concept, but leads into the positive life Jesus promised in Luke 9:24 to those who lose their life. This then is how I see it:
We have all formed a false self under the sinful influences of the world, damaged relationships and traumatizing experiences. Not what God made us to be, but a false face to hide behind, just as Adam and Eve hid in the bushes. We have built for ourselves a false image to wear so that we will not appear to the world around us to be vulnerable, or lacking. It is a mechanism made of decisions, principles we adhere to, and behavioral patterns that we hope will make us look good, because we don’t want others to look at us as needy, weird, stupid… fill in the blank. Until we get out from behind the false image (ie. deny ourselves) we cannot enter into the abundant life Jesus said he was sent to bring us.
Getting rid of the false image, the old man, crucifying the flesh, denying ourselves means we need to get real and get really honest, genuinely seeking relationship with God and others (remember, “confess your faults to one another so that you may be healed?”) Owning up to having a false front is necessary if we are to find the reality that God originally created us to be. It is losing the life we have created so that the life of God can shine out through us. As we go on walking with God, having dropped all pretense, life gets better and better.
Teach them to be really honest, really vulnerable with God and each other. The result will be life, joy unspeakable. Suddenly all the one anothers of Scripture will take on real meaning as your youth seek to support, encourage and understand one another.
I hope this is helpful. Get them started down a path of vulnerable honesty young, but warn them too that some will take advantage of them, just like they did Jesus. Letting the life of God shine out cost him his life.
I have been a Christian for 40 years (since highschool), and am now an elder in Communities of Hope, San Jose, CA. It is loosely affiliated with the Reformed Church in America. May God bless and direct your efforts. In Christ, Dave George.