MattGlover.com

Biddulph’s final (and short) chapter in Manhood is a brief challenge for the guys to get together and be real with each other, talking about life and all that it entails. He says that men’s groups are vital for the men’s movement to bring about a balance in the health and well being of men.

Of the groups, he says, “There is no pressure to speak unless you wish to. there is an emphasis on hearing someone out, rather than interupting either with argument or well-meaning advice…the emphasis is on speaking from the heart, not discussing or theorising.”

I’m reminded again of the opening scene’s from Fight Club where the main character becomes addicted to self-help groups. While the movie might unfairly caricaturise these groups, the reality of the emotion and healing that was found there can never be questioned by those that have experienced it.

My feeling is that this sort of ‘group’ could just as easily happen with already existing friends making a concious effort to get together every few weeks or so with the sole purpose of being real with each other. Whether it be playing tennis, at the pub, in a boat or doing the garden doesn’t really matter. What does is that men help each other be men. That means asking the hard questions of each other, being honest and willing to listen. And that’s hard.

But it’s not impossible. I think we men, with the help of the women, can do it.

Since beginning this book, I have wondered about the lives of some of the males around me. I have spent more time with my Dad. I’ve made more of an effort to do things with my sons. I’ve shared the pain of a friend whose marriage has ended. I’ve felt the tension in the lives of those facing unexpected redundancies. I’ve sat with a friend whose career was cut short through sickness. I’ve seen the trauma of refugee men trying to fit into Australian culture. I’ve despaired at the plight of several fightening a never-ending battle with addictions.

But the saddest thing is that nearly all of us have tried to do these things on our own. Why? Probably because we think that’s what being a man means - bringing us back to the very beginning of Biddulph’s book.

I think the impact of this book on me will be an ongoing one in both my own life and in my work with males both young and old. I’ll post more of my thoughts on the blog as I go, but in the mean time, if you’d like to read all of what I’ve reflected on so far, click here.