Comments on: Manhood: Chapter 1 - The Problem

By: White Ribbon Warriors » From Across the Pond

White Ribbon Warriors » From Across the Pond — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 18:29:09 +0000

[…] The link is to MattGlover.com and the post is Manhood: Chapter 1 the Problem […]

By: Wade

Wade — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 01:31:03 +0000

I think that the issue of lonliness - “Guys that just hang out there non-stop, playing poker till all hours, because its social interaction, but you don’t really have to talk.” - thanks Digger - comes back to our inability to be intimate with our “mates” - I’m not from Down Under, so my colloquialisms are different : I have no clue what “dux” means! - maybe even our complete lack of knowledge of what intimacy truly is. I mean, I haven’t really got a clue, and this is something that my wife and I are just now starting to deal with (and we’ve been together over ten years!) This is new territory. That is the crux of the issue, I think!

By: Matt Glover

Matt Glover — Sun, 13 Nov 2005 12:43:23 +0000

No worries Bill. Thanks for your comments.

My feeling is that it only takes one bloke to get up enough courage to get a group going and then, with a bit of support and resourcing, it seems to grow from there. I have two mens groups running and they have shared some pretty hefty life expereinces together (divorce, death etc) - but both strated with one guy saying, “Hey, I’d like to get together and talk with some other men, how about it?”

By: White Ribbon Warriors

White Ribbon Warriors — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 23:15:46 +0000

From Across the Pond

I kinda dumbed into a blog that is from Australia that was talking about manhood. I thought the article had some good points in it, so here it is:

By: Bill

Bill — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 23:06:41 +0000

Matt: Kinda dumbed into you…I’m on the other side of the pond in some direction or another in the USA. Can’t tell for sure which way but the G’day references must mean Australia….

Must say, that I have been reading many of these posts here and really relating. Here in the US, it’s not “footy and cricket” but more like the NFL (National Football League) and Major League Baseball, but the results are pretty much the same. Guys just hungry for interaction at a social level in some way or form.

I guess this is more of a question than a comment and everyone can discuss it: Is there a greater amount of courage required than we have to really develop the deeper relationships and avoid the “lonliness” factor? I see it in my church where we have 1000 members, but no real cohesive “men’s group” or any other form of men’s ministry. Hence we all just shake hands and greet each other, then go on our ways.

Nice blog, Matt. I trackbacked this post to my blog because I thought it was insightful…hope you don’t mind.

By: Lucas Garth

Lucas Garth — Mon, 17 Oct 2005 10:59:13 +0000

Hey
In terms of the guys times away they tend to be in the bush, big campfires, talking about different experiences we have had, often tent camping, could be paintball or that sort of thing
These can be in terms of as a youth leader with guys younger, where we discuss general life issues and get rid of the veneer of superficiality at least for that moment.
With guys my own age (mid 20s) these times become guy bonding times.
Different things can occur over these times but for my opinion the most important thing is time rather than what actually occurs.

Our mens ministry is very very fledgling at the moment - these things go in cycles and “organised” and “disorganised” can still achieve the same aims. A lot of what our men are starting to do is eat together, and stand around fires. I think there’s something somewhat spiritual in that.

In brigade I’m looking to engender experiences that draw males - particularly father-son relationships that lead them both to need and trust one another, and for experiences of initiation, integration and bonding.

Obviously you need to be real careful in these to avoid discriminating against people or victimising. The key is encouragement and rituals of manhood have been around since Adam was a young man. There is something to be said for proving your manhood and unfortunately in today’s culture it tends to be through sex experiences rather than the whole package of social/emotional growth.

So yeah the things I’m looking at currently in relation to manhood are:
- initiation / bonding / experience
- the father son (old bull / young bull) relationship dynamic
- effective male only self-led groups

In terms of overall stuff I think the faith-experience connection is powerful and we don’t operate in this zone enough (ie try to work out our faith with fear and trembling through experiencing different aspects of faith)

TIME is of the essence in all things male - we don’t put time into much outside of work - the single biggest esteem item for most guys.

By: Matt Glover

Matt Glover — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 06:35:03 +0000

G’day Lucas,

What sort of things do you do on your trips away with the guys?

By: Lucas Garth

Lucas Garth — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 03:40:52 +0000

Hey Matt
I’m joining this a bit late but would like to encourage you in your reading of good secular literature by guys such as Biddulph - his book on Manhood is a good one and I may offer my thoughts on each chapter from now on in point form (I’m a bit of a writer)
I was wondering the best way to get interesting material on my blog and I think quick comments on books that are involved in manhood/leadership are v.good ideas and will work away on that. Cheers for the inspiration.
I’m more encouraged that people are interested in manhood in general and the need for male role models. Absolutely the key is actually getting blokes together. The best times I’ve had spiritually in the past 4 years have been those guy getaways, camps and hikes. We’re starting to do this at our church (DVBC) and it’s an interesting emerging time

Look forward to dropping you a few lines.

By: Matt Glover

Matt Glover — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 11:16:05 +0000

Good to see you here Amber!

In chapter three Biddulph describes how this ‘role’ that men find themselves in is just as manufactured and oppressive as any of the stuff the women’s movement tried to free women from in th 1950’s.

You’re right. There’s a huge challenge infront of us - both men and women. An undiscovered oportunity to make a REAL and lasting impact.

By: Amber

Amber — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 07:43:31 +0000

browsing through your website today,
found your thoughts on this topic very interesting; especially as it parallels conversations I’ve recently had with some of my male friends.

what I find really sad is that my male friends stated to me that they probably won’t have time to be friends with each other in the coming years, as life gets too busy, they start working full time, get married, have kids and plod on with life… because that’s what they ‘expect’ to happen. As that’s what has happened to all the older male rolemodels that they have.

I that the Church needs to encourage male friendships more and for women to also understand that their men (sons, brothers, husbands) need male bonding time, time to pause from the day to day activities and to have social interaction with other blokes…and my friends do do this now, all the time actually and I think it’s really healthy, but it should be encouraged to continue to hold onto their male friends once they do get married, have kids etc.